10 Moments When a Nanny Should Stand Up to Her Employers

Though nannies are the employees of the families they work for and thus required to adhere to the rules and guidelines set forth by their employers, there are times when a nanny absolutely should stand up to the people for whom she works. Whether you’re protecting your own interests, your personal safety or the safety of the children under your care, risking the ire of the people responsible for your continued employment can feel like quite a risk. These are 10 of the situations in which you should take the bull by the proverbial horns and say “no” to your employers.

1. Breach of Contract – The nanny contract signed by you and your employers is a very important document governing a variety of job duties and responsibilities, as well as your rights as an employee. Any breach of this contract should be discussed with your employer as soon as possible.
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2. Preventing Job Creep – When employers begin gradually adding tasks to your daily list of responsibilities that you didn’t originally agree to, resentment and burn out can become two very real possibilities. Rather than sacrificing a post entirely, it’s better to approach your employers with your concerns and explain why, as a nanny, you should not be responsible for chores that aren’t directly related to the care of the children or previously agreed upon in your written work agreement.
3. Unrealistic Parental Expectations – This can especially be an issue for first-time nanny employers, as their lack of experience translates to outrageously high expectations. If your employers expect you to work wonders normally only attributed to characters played by Julie Andrews, gently explaining the reality of the situation will save you both quite a few headaches in the long run.
4. Refusal to Acknowledge Severe Behavioral Problems – It isn’t unheard of for parents to be in a bit
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   of denial regarding their children, especially if there are strong indications of severe behavioral or developmental problems. However, getting your affected charge the attention that he needs will require you to bring these issues to his parents’ attention, even if they’re less than receptive in the beginning.

5. Prevention of Child Abuse – Serious suspicions of physical, emotional or sexual abuse by a parent or family member should be reported immediately to ensure the safety of the children involved. Keep in mind that even allegations of abuse that have been proven to be false can have a dramatic negative impact on a person’s life, and never level accusations lightly. The National Clearinghouse on Child Abuse and Neglect Information can provide information on how to properly report suspected abuse.
6. Verbal or Physical Harassment – Situations in which you are harassed by your employers in any way require you to stand up for yourself, either by reporting the behavior or ending your contract early and seeking employment elsewhere. No job, regardless of salary or benefits, is worth the pain and humiliation of being harassed.
7. Dangerous Parenting Tactics – While approaching your employer to criticize their parenting style outright may not be the wisest career move, you have a responsibility to the children under your care to ensure their safety to the best of your abilities. If you feel that specific tactics could present hazards or the risk of injury, it’s best to gently suggest an alternative in order to keep your charges safe.
8. Establishing Boundaries – While it can seem like a small issue, establishing and maintaining boundaries is actually very important. As you grow closer to your charges and their parents, the relationship between you can become more familial than other employer/employee relationships. Though becoming “part of the family” is an admirable goal, maintaining some boundaries is crucial when it comes to preventing awkwardness, disputes and future problems.
9. Illegal Activity – Any illegal activity, especially one that puts the children at risk, is reasonable grounds for asserting yourself. How you handle the situation depends upon the particulars and what you feel comfortable with, but you should never sit idly by while illegal activities go on around you. In one of the very worst case scenarios, you could even be considered complicit to these activities in the eyes of the law if you know they’re occurring and do nothing to stop them.
10. Substance Abuse Problems – Drug abuse or excessive alcohol use can be devastating for a family, and can leave your position tenuous as well. In cases of substance abuse, you’re well within your rights to approach the issue in a respectful manner.

While it is important for you to protect the rights and safety of your charges and yourself, many situations can be easily resolved by calmly and respectfully approaching your employer with your concerns. When your end goal is to establish boundaries or prevent job creep in a post that you otherwise enjoy, it’s wise to approach your employer when you’re not angry about the situation to ensure that you don’t appear aggressive, which will typically only cause an employer to become defensive and angry themselves. In more serious cases, especially those that present the possibility of physical or emotional harm, it may be safer and more effective to approach the proper authorities than to confront your employers directly.

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